To tell one’s life story is not easy. I
have been down many roads, and those
journeys include great trials and joys,
tremendous sorrows and unbelievable
happenings. Yet, I am content.
I spent much of my early years living
with my grandparents on an island off the
coast of Maine. My grandfather was lame
and often could not go to church.
Instead, he would watch evangelists on
TV. His favorite was Jerry Falwell. In
1978, he encouraged me to attend
Falwell’s Liberty University (what was
then known as Liberty Baptist College).
I loved Liberty. I worked hard and
graduated with top honors.
I married while at Liberty. There was no
thought of a Baptist preacher not being
married. I was determined to be the best
husband possible. We accepted a position
in Christian Education with a Baptist
Church and moved to Waipahu, HI. We were
excited about our new ministry.
Now for “the rest of the story”. I had
been aware of my attraction to men since
I was little. I was fearful that I might
even be gay. I, therefore, put my whole
sexuality on a shelf and refused to deal
with it. I knew that I was called of God
to be a minister, and I had enough faith
to believe that God would solve my
problem.
In 1985, my wife and I accepted a new
position directing Christian Education at
a Baptist Church in San Jose, CA. After
making that move, I was determined to get
help and I began attending an ex-gay
ministry. I tried very strongly to
change. I tried with every ounce of
strength possible.
There is no way to describe the pains I
went through to rid myself of my
homosexuality–such unbelievable prayer
and abstinence. But it was not working.
This took its toll on our marriage, and
in 1988, we were divorced.
I was lost. I was defeated. Nothing
worked. In 1989, after ten years of great
frustration, I “threw in the towel”, and
I walked away from the ministry.
It is hard to explain how empty one’s
life is when you walk away from the
fundamentalist world. You are all alone!
You have to start your whole life over
all by yourself. But, I knew I could not
change, no matter how much others said I
could. They were not in my shoes. They
could not understand. I had given it all
I could give. I finally had to accept the
fact that I was gay.
In 1990, I saw an advertisement in a gay
paper for First Christian Church of San
Jose, CA. It was listed as an “open and
affirming” congregation– accepting of
gays. I visited off and on for almost a
year, and started feeling at home. FCC
even had an openly gay pastor. Rev.
Richard Miller welcomed me into
membership in 1991. I grew much at FCC. I
reconsidered, reevaluated, and redefined
my beliefs. I adopted a great love for
peace and justice. I truly understood
what it meant to be marginalized.
God began to clear the way for a new kind
of ministry. I began to feel deeply again
that I belonged back into full time
service, but this time it was not as a
fundamentalist, but as one promoting
tolerance, hope and love for all people.
I began dialogue with the Northern CA
Region of the Disciples of Christ. They
accepted me for ordination. I made it
very clear that I was to be ordained
openly gay. I had no intention of going
back like it was with the Baptists.
I was returning to ministry. I just had
to! My journey to this ordination was as
much a journey of letting go as it was in
starting a new beginning. On February 27,
1994 I was ordained as a minister of the
gospel.
I immediately assumed I could enter the
search process for pastors and become a
church’s minister. I applied for several
years. But there were many Disciples’
Regions that would not even ordain gays
and lesbians, let alone hire them as
pastors. Even in the Northern CA Region,
I was given the classic line that an
openly gay pastor would divide the
church.
Giving up the thought of becoming a
pastor, I decided to make a major jump
and apply to be the Executive Director at
the Council of Churches of Santa Clara
County.
On
July 1, 1997, I was appointed the new
Executive Director. I was stunned. I had
traveled down a very difficult spiritual
road. My views had changed radically. I
had pondered and sorted out my faith.
Here I was entering into an unbelievable
ecumenical role.
i loved my job at the Council. We worked
tirelessly on such issues as affordable
housing, interfaith youth mentoring, and
economic justice. I had regular meetings
with local bishops and denominational
leaders.
Being openly gay, I also provided
leadership to our GLBT community. I
helped organize the 55 “open and
affirming” congregations in Santa Clara
County into The Alliance of Welcoming
Ministries. I helped found a monthly
round-table for over 35 gay and lesbian
groups in our area. In 1999, I was
honored to be named the grand marshal in
the San Jose Gay Pride Parade.
In 2001, amazingly, my dream, my calling
finally came. First Christian Church of
Honolulu hired me–an openly gay man–to be
their new Senior Pastor! Who would have
dreamed that it would be in Hawaii where
I would finally be a pastor? I guess God
did solve my problem after all.
The list goes on and on. God has opened
many doors of leadership and opportunity.
I have changed my views and practices
much since my fundamentalist days. I have
opened my heart and found the greatest
joy in ministering among those of our
diverse world.
To those of you who see yourselves in my
story, but are still trapped in
self-loathing, I say, don’t fight the way
God made you. Submit to God’s will for
you, spare the grief in opposing your
gift. God is good and will provide for
all your needs.
Gay
and Lesbian Christians